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July 23, 2008{

Anger

today's topic, Anger,
it is a strong feeling of displeasure.
okay people, i admit,
i can throw tantrums easily.
and i know its not a good thing.

and knowing all of this,
i want to try, i'm willing to try.
but having a backbone or trying to defend
for my own wants is okay and fair i guess.
i mean, not nice to force people to
do things you don't like right.

i can be rude at times
whether its at school or home.
but i want to try. so if i one day give up.
i can't say i didn't try.

last year, when i was really really
*something* i get so angry and frustrated
so easily and mad, especially when
people disturbs me in class.

people throw paper balls at me,
i throw chairs at them.
if anyone hits me in the back by surprised,
i'll get my revenge by hitting
them with a weapon on their back.
the point is, if anyone messes with me,
i will return the favour ten fold.

but i want to change that,
like really do, I've been reading about
stuff and watching shows
and in the end of most shows.
theres always a"control your inner demon"
or"revenge is never right" or any other stuff like that.

well lately, i think i've been
making steady and good progress.
i have learnt how to just take a hit
or just let it go when someone talks shit at me.
and most importantly, i have never beaten up anyone
since, i don't know how long.

and you know whats the key
to self-control?
its love and care, having a conscious.
knowing the consequences of losing control and go crazy

to tell you the truth, i don't think
i am that strong myself.
there are people more fierce than me.
but when a person losses his mind and goes
in a total state of anger and craze,
anything can happen.

what i'm saying is, anyone can fight.
and when i go crazy, i won't be-able to control
my own strength and could beat someone
to a bloody pulp. but the thought of
destroying the trust and especially faith of others in
me really haunts me, and thats why i want
to stop being so hot-tempered.

the people who are in my
mind straight away before i
do anything is my Friend and my parents.
they are innocent and have done nothing
wrong to me. knowing they would hate me and
such would be truly unbearable.
and thats what i fear the most.
i don't care if my body get beaten up to the ground.
because nothing else matters.

like a saying i heard once.
"a scar or a wound will heal.
but a hit to the mind might not"
forgot where i hear it.

like a scar would definitely heal and
you won't feel the pain in time
but somethings can really haunt you
for the rest of your life.
and i don't want to do things that i regret
and would bite me in the a**

alright its 1.06Am
i better get some sleep, nites.

just seeing you or seeing you waving hi to me can make me melt inside

words/sentence of the day:

being angry about the past has no meaning

words taken from my thoughts.

posted at

12:14 AM